'That weekend [...] doubles as our vacation': Bridesmaid wants to bring her boyfriend to bachelorette party at bride's sister's expense

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Aug 16, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

Ladies… leave the fellas at home—really. And this statement applies to anyone prone to bringing their partners to traditionally spouseless events. It doesn't matter if you're attached at the hip for every waking moment of your life; otherwise, when it comes to something like a bachelor or bachelorette party, your spouse should not be involved. 

Leave the ol' boy at home and go have a night out on the town with the girls. This really shouldn't be a conversation in the first place, but—if it comes down to it—this goes double if someone else is financing the trip.

This disgruntled sister is financing her sister's bachelorette party, paying for accommodation for all of the bride's broke friends who "all have some kind of financial hardship." Rather than watching the possibility of a bachelorette party fall to the wayside, the sister offered to pay for everyone's rooms. Of course, when choosing beggars are presented with the offering of something for free, they have to take every opportunity to make the offer work as much in their favor as possible to suit their ends. It wasn't long before one of her sister's friends was talking about bringing her partner along, calling it "[their] vacation" and making plans for him to attend—violating the entire premise of the weekend the sister was financing for them.

The sister shared screenshots of the subsequent exchange that took place between herself and the bridesmaid/friend on Reddit's r/ChoosingBeggars subreddit, asking readers whether or not she was in the wrong (AITA?) for her response to the bridesmaid. Readers were split on the issue, with most taking the original poster's side but some insisting that the original poster had overstepped and was too rude with their response to "a simple question."

See the messages below as they were originally shared with Reddit, followed by some comments from the original poster that clarify their position and reactions from readers.

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  • 01
    Font - dor/ChoosingBeggars Posted by u/kitty-jamboree Should this be on here or AITA? Bridesmaid thought I would pay for her to have her own room with her did I interpret it boyfriend...or wrong? 1 12:16 S SR A 4 People > So you'll pay for a whole room for just me and I can't share? And I just said it's not at the party 3/4 I absolutely would not pay for a whole room just for you, no. If K
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  • 02
    Font - 1 12:13 OⓇ S A A + Hey said it would be fine to bring my fiancé for the hotel stay for that weekend and said to double check how many rooms there are for the stay. It doesn't matter if we have our own room but I just like having him next to me and wanted to go to the pool and the hot tub and everything with him. That weekend kind of doubles as our vacation T 4 People > Today 11:07 AM Oh and also when do I need to be there in the eighth I'm trying to stay at work as late as possible so I d
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  • 03
    Organism - 1 12:15 O' S A A T SR Okay that's fine just let me know what hotel and all that info as soon as you get it. I'm very get everything taken care of as soon as I can type of person it'll all go on my calendar 4 People > I really don't think you should bring your boyfriend to a bachelorette party... I haven't picked out a hotel yet or the rooms, but they are very expensive. I am not going to subsidize you and your boyfriend's vacation. Fiancé, and it's not to the party just the hotel room
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  • 04
    Product - 1 12:16 O' A S + So you'll pay for a whole room for just me and I can't share? And I just said it's not at the party T SR A 4 People > Okay that's why I was asking not stating. If it was my own room I would have brought him that was the point of this conversation Cash I absolutely would not pay for a whole room just for you, no. If you want to sleep in your own room with your partner and spend time with him at the hotel instead of with the girls, you can pay for your own room. Apologie
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  • 05
    Terrestrial plant - O 12:36 A S + T but Okay no there's still confusion here, I got the okay from was told to ask you if it was okay I didn't know if there were more rooms or not so if there are shared rooms with us all he isn't coming therefore I'd be sharing. Also what time is the party Saturday morning SR A 4 People > your own room. As long as your partner isn't with you, you are free to share a room with the girls. If you bring your partner, you are free to get your own room. Hope that clear
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  • 06

    This response in the comments from OP added some important clarification to the situation. This is for her sister's wedding and she is financing the bachelorette party to help out.

    Font - Dependent-Mouse-1064 32 points · 5 hours ago Are you paying for any or her room? She seems to think that she getd the room for free she just has to share it. kitty-jamboree OP 151 points 3 hours ago A lot of folks have asked this, or why I am paying for everything. Let me clarify. It's only 4 girls outside of me, and they all have some kind of financial hardship in their lives. They are worried about the money lost even taking the weekend off of work for the party. One has some medical pr
    via kitty-jamboree
  • 07
    Font - I want my sister to have a memorable night. I am not going to ask her to pay for it. I am not a rich person by any means, but I save my money and can afford to do this for her. So I offered to cover expenses. The bridesmaids know that I am covering the cost of the hotel, but I failed to make it clear that we would be sharing the rooms. I thought this would be assumed, but we all know what assuming things does... Hope that clears things up. Reply Give Award Share
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  • 08
    Font - PossumJenkinsSoles € . This is going to be the most awkward weekend ever, can I come? I'm going to need my own room. Reply Share 5.3k 7 hr. ago ●●● Botbot123432 · 6 hr. ago I'm going to need a room also, but my partner will be joining. It's really our honeymoon, hope you don't mind subsidizing. € 1.1k€ Reply Share
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  • 09
    Font - xptx - 5 hr. ago "This weekend doubles as our vacation" No. It really doesnt. € 966 € € Reply Share snarkystarfruit - 3 hr. ago Why in a million years would you ever say that to someone. Sometimes i feel like i am absolutely taking crazy pills Reply Share 194 € ●●●
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  • 10

    Another response to the above comment from OP, clarifying the situation

    Font - kitty-jamboree OP 8 points · 53 minutes ago It hardly even qualifies as a vacation! I keep seeing people say it would make sense if it were an expensive trip, or a long solo trip... All good points. But it's not some cool, fanciful destination thing. It's happening in a city 1.5 hours from where they all live. It is the full day Saturday and then Sunday morning. A large part of it will be spent crafting and hanging out in the hotel (according to the bride's wishes). There won't be a bunch
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  • 11
    Font - lonelyronin1 7 hr. ago I'm more stuck on the fact she wanted to bring her partner on a bachelortte party. Is she not able to be away from him for a couple of days to hang out with the girls - the whole reason the trip was planned> Is she expecting him to hang out with everyone while you do girly things? Is she going to insist he come along? If she does bring him, assume she will take most of the time to be with him and ditch the gang. If she has paid for anything where finances are combin
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  • 12
    Font - redfarmhunt. 6 hr. ago My wife couldnt pay me to be anywhere near the bachelorette party. Like go away and have a good time. Don't invite me and don't feel like you need to contact me unless you REALLY need/want to or its an emergency. € % € Reply Share ●●●
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  • 13
    Font - southernkal 6 hr. ago I would bet my entire life that if the fiancé was going to a stag weekend with his mates, this type of arrangement would never even be a consideration. Even if (biiiiig if) he did want her there, he would never ask the groom/best man. € 3 393 € Reply Share
    via u/kitty-jamboree
  • 14
    Font - SleepyCoffee90 · 7 hr. ago · edited 6 hr. ago I don't know where this belongs but what the hell? Why would she even consider bringing him to a Bachelorette party? How much time does she think will be spent without the bride? Rude. € 453 a € Reply Share 125 € ●●● Ricardo2991 · 6 hr. ago Why would he want to go lol € Reply Share
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  • 15
    Font - shadesofvanilla. 5 hr. ago The way I interpret it is that she thought you were paying for a room for each girl and was thinking "why can't he sleep in the room if I have one?" I don't think she realized there was sharing involved. No idea though and think it's bizarre. € 202 € Reply Share ... calm--cool 4 hr. ago Yeah I think so. But also damn Gina leave the man at home €42 € Reply Share ●●●
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  • 16
    Font - felthouse 8 hr. ago I think you handled that really well. She wanted you to pay for her holiday with her boyfriend. € 928 € Reply Share ●●● kitty-jamboree OP. 7 hr. ago That's what it felt like to me... but then I started feeling like an ass wondering if she was just trying to ask if we would have our own rooms, and I went and turned it into something it wasn't? Either way I still think bringing your partner is weird and rude. € 585 € Reply Share
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  • 17
    Font - thisismythrowaway417 4 hr. ago . The boyfriend vs fiancé vs partner debate is weird € 71 € Reply Share
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  • 18
    Font - yyouriley 5 hr. ago She said "it doesn't matter if we have our own room".. she was very much wanting to take him no matter the room situation for their own vacation at the pool and hot tub. Cringe € 29 € Reply Share
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  • 19
    Font - gardengirl303-6 hr. ago She only backed down because you were firm! She was not "asking" at first, definitely pushing. I admire your strength & I would have done and said the same things if I was planning my bff's bachelorette € 141 € Reply Share
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  • 20
    Font - chanteusetriste. 7 hr. ago NTA, you called her out and she backtracked and pretended she wasn't trying to bring her boyfriend, fiancé, whatever to your bachelorette. € 113 € Reply Share ●●●
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  • 21
    Font - Zadsta 7 hr. ago I can't imagine wanting to bring my bf to a bachelorette. Some of the best parts of those events are when you're all getting ready together to go out, when you all come back and get unready and unpack the night together, then the early morning recaps. Bringing a BF would just diminish the experience IMO. € 59 € Reply Share
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  • 22
    Font - 7 hr. ago I don't understand why everyone is refusing to say her fiance lowkey sounds like you were purposely being condescending Present-Ad-9441 € 189 € Reply Share kitty-jamboree OP. 6 hr. ago Yeah I'll own up to that one. I was 100% just being petty and that's part of why I feel bad about it now.
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  • 23
    Font - It was a genuine mistake when I typed boyfriend initially and when she corrected me to fiancé, I thought she was implying that because her partner was a fiancé and not a boyfriend, it justified bringing him along. My saying "partner"instead of fiancé was my way of saying fiancé, boyfriend, whatever they are... you don't bring your partner. Period. € 184 € Reply Share
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  • 24
    Font - sonicshedgehog 6 hr. ago To a bachelorette party? C'mon man € 8 € Reply Share
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  • 25
    Font - Chrizilla 7 hr. ago She wanted to use the bachelorette getaway as a lowkey vacation with her fiancé as well, but wanted to confirm the plans beforehand. She was confused as to what the costs (if any) would be as you had not decided on... anything it seems. She seemed to believe that all the bridesmaids were getting their own rooms, but you later confirm that the bridesmaids will be sharing rooms. € 27€ Reply Share
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  • 26
    Font - defmute 3 hr. ago If she brings her partner she shouldn't be allowed to join. It is a BACHELORETTE party. Why the fuck does the fiancé want to go as well unless he's a jealous loser who thinks they're all going to be cheating Reply Share €14 14 €
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  • 27
    Font - lobstersonskateboard 6 hr. ago ESH, it's common courtesy not to bring any uninvited +1 to a bachelor or bachelorette party, but the added fact that he's male and the person's fiance would make it even more uncomfortable. You were really weird and rude about it though, why refuse to call him her fiance? € 27€ Reply Share ...
    via u/kitty-jamboree
  • 28
    Font - danny2787 6 hr. ago Why aren't the other bridesmaids contributing? 12 € Tiredkittymom 4 hr. ago That's what I'm confused about too. On my bachelorette we split it evenly across all of us, myself included because it felt tacky to make them pay for my trip. But even excluding the bride, the whole party should be splitting the cost! Reply Share €10 10 € Reply Share
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  • 29
    Font - Vahagn323 4 hr. ago Oh to be a fly on the wall during this bachelorette weekend, I'd have to get my own room! € 5€ Reply Share
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  • 30
    Font - fat_and_irritated. 3 hr. ago I cannot stand hanging out with my friends that refuse to leave their boyfriends at home sometimes. If I planned a girls trip just for my friend to go "surprise my man is coming!! Doesn't matter if we have our own room or not, this is a vacation for us!!" She would be uninvited immediately. I cannot believe the audacity she has to even ask if her man can come to a bachelorette party, and you bet your ass her man would never ask if he could bring her to a bache
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  • 31
    Font - 4thMainCourse_ . 7 hr. ago this is classic AITA... also ESH. The girl is clearly oblivious and spoiled... however you do nothing by passive aggressively referring to her fiancé as a boyfriend and then partner. She clearly was told it was all cool by the bride, which put you in the awkward spot of being the bad guy - but you did it in more of a passive aggressive way than was needed IMO € 64€ Reply Share ●●● kitty-jamboree OP 6 hr. ago I'll take this judgement. You right, I was petty. €34
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choosing beggars work workplace choosing beggar wedding party drama wedding drama bridesmaids sisters friends wedding
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